Long overdue update.

Well as some of  you may remember, I had weight loss surgery (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy) back on February 10th.  I posted one blog after the surgery and have been absent since.  Funny thing is as I was doing research online before my surgery, I found many others hadn't posted updates for several weeks after their surgery.  I guess getting into a new routine just keeps you fairly busy.  Learning new things and so on.  So I will try to give a bit of an update over that last 2+ months.

There were times in the first couple of weeks after my surgery I thought I had made the worst mistake of my life!! I was still on a liquid diet and was feeling like I would never "eat" again.  I knew this wasn't true, but it sure felt that way.  Some of the problem was when I would get down before I would eat....well now I was getting down and couldn't do the thing that used to make me feel better....so that just got me down even more. Long story short....I finally got passed all of that.  Now I am eating "normal" foods, but I am eating almost the same thing everyday.  Right now I am supposed to try and stay below 500 calories for the day and still get 60-80 grams of protein.  This sort of limits the menu as not too many foods are high in protein and low in calories.  I have been eating a lot of eggs, tuna and chicken.  Occasionally I will substitute a protein shake for a meal.  I have just got some new shakes that have more flavors and even more protein, probably will have one for lunch tomorrow and see how it goes.

When I first got home I was just walking around the house, about 10 minutes at time, 3 times a day. Eventually I started walking outside and down the road a bit. I have tried to add a bit more every so often and now I am up to about 3.5 miles a day (5-6 days a week) in about an hour or so.  I also started the strength training a few weeks ago.  I didn't realize how weak my muscles have got over the years.  I am using pretty light weights (per their instructions) and doing several reps. This is not really about building muscle so it seems to be doing the job.

Ok......Now for the numbers.....lol  Back on 12/11/13 I weighed the most I ever have, 390 lbs.  That was sort of my ah-ha moment I guess.  When I went to the Surgeons on 01/20/14 I was 385 lbs.  The day of teh surgery (02/10/14) I was 373 pounds. So I had lost some on my own even before the surgery.  As of yesterday I weighed 305 lbs. So that is a total of 85 lbs so far, not too bad I figure.  I have had kind of short term goals.  My current was to be below 300 before I go to the doctor again on 5/15/14, that's looking like a real possibility.  My next is 275 as that is what I was when I first went to work at the fire dept.

I will try to post here a bit more often.  Be well and take care!!!

The new norm?.....

Well here we are, post-op finally.  Feeling pretty fair today. But let me try to catch you up over the last few days....  Sunday night (night before surgery) Dr. Houston called and told me that there was a case that came in over the weekend that he would have to take before me in the morning.  Said not to worry about getting to the hospital before 9:30 or 10:00  Well that actually helped a little bit in the sense of everyone not having to get up so early and head out around 4:00 as originally planned.  We still left about 7:30 or so and got there around 9:00ish  Apparently the change wasn't passed on to everyone, because someone from the hospital called as were about 30 minutes out and wanted to make sure I was still coming.  Well his case in the morning took longer than planed so I didn't go back to the staging area till about 1:30 They did all there stuff, then next thing I remember is the recovery area LOL.  My mother and daughter were waiting for me in my room when they got me there.  Most of that evening I really didn't feel too good.  Either had pain, nausea, just generally weak or all and/or something else.  My daughter went home that night, buy my mother stayed with me the whole time and I can't thank her enough.  Actually by latter than night (10:00pm) I was feeling pretty good.  Nurses got me up and walking about 10:30pm and I walked the length of the hallway twice with no problems.

On Day 2 (Tuesday) this was overall a really bad day... I think all day I only got 2 cups of fluid down and that was the last being over-night and sipping on when waking up and didn't finish till Wed morning.  At one time mom was going to go back home this day, but I asked her if she would stay and she did. Although the thing she had to sleep on wasn't comfortable for her at all.  I walked in the room several times Tuesday and felt good to sit up out of bed at times.

Day 3 (Wednesday) however woke up feeling pretty good.  Finished all the liquid on my breakfast tray, of course took most of the morning lol.  Didn't really have any pain.  Dr Houston wasn't able to make his rounds till about 1:30pm but overall that is good.  Cause had he come early in the morning and had to base whether to discharge me or not based on how I did Tuesday, I'd probably had to stay one more day.  But guess since I had done so well that morning he did let me go home.  Of course had already decided even if I didn't get to go home, my mother was going need to, I'm just glad it worked out the way it did.  The ride home did take a bit more out of me than I thought it would though.  Ended up having to take one of the pain pills he prescribed me.  Also I tried some of the protein supplement and it didn't set very well on my stomach, so I went back to just plain water.  Dr Houston said this is normal and not to worry about it.  Also said that even though eventually need to get to at least 64oz of water per day and 60-80grams of protien these first few days 50oz of water and 40grams of protein ok.  Also that water is more important than protein at the moment.

This morning (Thursday) woke up feeling pretty good.  Tried a cup of plain water first and now working on the protein supplement from last night and seem to be doing ok with it.  Just weird taking up to an hour to get 8oz of liquid down lol  

Without going into great detail it seems like they still haven't figured out how to do my pay by using my banked sick-time from last year.  Apparently I am the first person to try and use it this way.  Also it is sound like they are trying to renege on some of the things they said when they did the big switch a couple of years ago.  Thankfully me and my Lieutenant already had a backup plan for this week if it didn't get figured out.  Hopefully it will get worked out before long though.

Have a good day...

Steve

Short and Sweet

Feeling depressed and scared.  Wondering if I'm making a big mistake by having this surgery.  It won't fix what is really wrong.  I'm not sure what would fix what is really wrong, if anything even can. All I know is whatever happens, I don't want to be in it alone, but....that is going to be the case.  Of course not that I blame anyone, I know for many reasons I don't appear to be a "catch" at the moment.  Sad thing is, there are hundreds of reasons I would be....but it's either hard for me to let them show and/or hard for others to see through some of the other stuff.

Yes, I know others have been through this and there are support group...but the closest support group to me, well last two times I went it was just me and the guy that leads the "group". I tried an online forum, but don't have a real desire to participate it seems.  I think some of that goes back to how I feel a about "social media" in general right now.  Anymore it just isn't and acceptable substitute for real human interaction.  But all that said......that really isn't what I'm talking about at the moment.

But it's ok, if you don't understand...I don't understand and for the most part not sure anyone will ever understand.  But that's ok too, it doesn't really matter, others have their own lives to live and deal with. I guess that may be why I've always tried to help others so much when I can, is because I am hoping it will some how be reciprocated somehow, by someone.  One counselor or something like that I've spoke to sometime in the past even suggested that a desire to help others is why I have done things as a Firefighter, EMT and similar services.  I guess that is true to some degree....you know it just kinda hit me.... I used to say one reason I joined the volunteer fire department here was because, "If my house caught on fire, I would want someone to come help put it out. So I should be willing to go help them put their's out."  I guess I maybe I was always looking for some sort of reciprocation.  Which honestly is NOT the reason to help people.  Well...."expecting" reciprocation is not a good reason and I never expected it.  Also when I say I've been looking for it, I don't mean literally tit-for-tat from the same person, but just in general.  I've said it's kinda like putting things in a "karma bank".  Guess I figure if I keep putting enough "good deeds" in, some day I can get some back.  Well...as of now I don't feel like I've got much back to be honest.  But it's just how I feel, just being selfish I guess.

Ok, the first paragraph was the "Short and Sweet" part the rest was just a rant that came over me. It happens.

Anyway.................................................

Busy, busy, busy last few days.

I worked Sunday and had to leave early Monday morning to go to Nashville for pre-op & pre-admission classes, test and paperwork (more below). Got home about 4:30 Monday afternoon and my daughter and grandson were here.  I added a few videos to the tablet he got for Christmas and did her taxes.  By that time it was getting late.  Got up Tuesday and headed to work, but instead of getting of at 3:00 Wednesday afternoon as normal, ended up having to stay till 11:00pm.  Which you may know gets me home about midnight.  Then up at 6:30 this morning to take son to school.  Just now starting to get caught up it feels like.  Trying to get some things in order before surgery on the 10th.

Ok, my day in Nashville Monday...if  you follow me on twitter @StephenFall or FourSquare you already know a bit about that day.  My appointment was at 8:30 and I ended up getting into Nashville about 7:30 so I killed just a little time at Centennial Park and went to the hospital (Centennial's Main Hosp) about 8:00.  Think I may have been the first to get to the registration desk.  Anyway...had my upper GI and got in and out of there fairly quick.  Didn't have to be at the Dr.'s office for a class till 11:00 so went by McDonald's at got a little something to eat.  This was actually the plan since couldn't have anything to eat before test at the hospital.  Took my biscuit back to Centennial Park and parked by the pond close to The Parthenon (See pic below) and just listened to music a bit.

 

At the Dr.'s office the class was about the surgery in general then the dietitian went over a few things and then a pharmacist spoke to us.  As always after I attend a class, meeting etc... I feel better about the surgery for a while, more informed, better prepared etc... but as always so far a bit later I start worrying too much again. I guess with more information it just gives me more to think about, which is not good for a person who thinks to much lol.  But I emailed the dietitian with a few follow up questions this morning and think again, for now lol, I have a decent grasp on at least Stage 1 and Stage 2 diets.  My mother, a retired RN, is helping me a bit too.  Since the first two stages will last for about a month after the surgery, I guess that should be good for now. 

After the class yesterday had to go across the street to the Women's and Children's Hospital, this is where the surgery will actually be done...ok...go ahead laugh....LOL don't ask me why they are there...anyway...just got some blood drawn and an EKG their, didn't take long. Then finally on my way back home.

Played around a bit with an app I had downloaded a few days ago and one the actually mentioned in the class, MyFitnessPal.  I think I have a little better understanding of how it works.  The biggest thing will be adding food for the first time.  You can look up foods that other's have added, but that isn't quite as easy as it may sound at first.  Anyway, since I will be eating a lot of the same stuff for a while, it won't be too bad after get started.  You can also scan the UPC on a package, haven't tried that  yet, but will soon.

Well, guess that is enough for now. Take care....

Steve 

Getting Closer

Well spent a lot of the time on the phone yesterday and Thursday answering pre-admission questions for my surgery on the 10th and for some pre-op test I'm having done Monday.  Also started a Short Term Disability (usually abbreviated STD, but that also stand for something else...lol) claim since I will be off work 3-6 weeks.  Also went to the bank Thursday to get the money to pay for the surgery and some other things I will need for after. So....guess I'm kinda on the downhill side. At least as far as having the surgery goes.  I know after the surgery will be the real challenge.  I just keep telling myself the rewards will be worth it.  Of course I am hoping for much more than just weight loss, of course better health and more energy, but also mean getting out more and just generally more happy.  Most everyone has told me (those that have had weight loss surgery and others) that things should happen, but I've never been one to anticipate the best....lol  That too is something that would be nice for a change.

I know I seem like a very negative person, but...and this hard to explain, deep down I don't think I really am.  If I saw everything as negative and no hope, I would have really given up long ago.  I guess there is at least a small part of me that must have some hope of things getting better, me being happy.  I know people blame how they are as an adult on their childhood experiences all the time.  Or course, this is at least partially true, all of our experiences shape who we are. Plus I think we (people) are more impressionable at earlier ages.  But...I am not trying to use that as any excuse for my behavior, thoughts, feelings etc... as much as just an explanation to those that may not know or understand.  Somewhere along the way I have I put the judgement, opinions, feelings, wants, etc... of others above my own... even when it pertains to something that may affect only me and not them. I don't know why...I think partially just because I have always wanted to try to please others, to have or get their approval. Also it has always been hard for me to accept compliments or encouragement.  For some reason I see it either as just an attempt to be nice or offered more sarcastically than anything else. Again, I have no idea where this comes from other than childhood experiences.  I never was popular, of course I know many children are not.  But I seemed to be an easy target for teasing. The saying, "Kids can be cruel." is very true.  For whatever reason, I would also take this teasing to heart and felt/thought they really meant it and felt that way.  If you constantly are told something, even if not true, it will become what you believe.  As I've got older there is a part of me that "knows" somethings I used to think are not true, but at the same time it can be hard to just change your feelings/thoughts, at least it seems so for me.   Anyway...I could go on and on and on and on about this, but I guess I'll stop for now.

But...with all that said, that is one reason I've always been a little apprehensive about the surgery, in that, it can't really change any of the above.  I just hope it can at least be a tool to help me better deal with some of it on my own.  Although, a significant other wouldn't hurt my feelings either lol  There are lots of things I guess that have kept me from being in many relationships. Before my marriage I hadn't really been in any serious relationships.  Even with my ex we only dated 3 months before getting married.  I never really had a girlfriend in school.  Just too shy to ask and to risk getting hurt mainly.  Since being divorced (14 years now for those that don't know) I've been in one maybe one serious relationship (within 6 months of getting divorced, I got scared...) and maybe steadily dated 2-3 ladies.  At the end of the day, you have not only sell yourself, (which is hard enough for me) I guess you have to make yourself appear better than the next guy.  That later part can be hard for a guy that only lacks an abundance of self-esteem, but even more so for one that in general doesn't see himself as better than others. I mean more or less if you are saying you're better than someone you're putting yourself above them and as someone that has others placed above them by various means, I know how that feels, and it's not good.  Now as with everything, this is not how it is or how I feel 100% of the time. But I guess in general I would rather show my attributes and let them stand on their own that try to say/prove I'm better than someone else.  Then add I just don't understand women lol, and that is why I guess I've not been in many serious relationships or even many non-serious ones.

Ok, this turned into something that wasn't the plan.  There is plenty more I can say on all of it.  Feel free to comment or message me if you want to know more.  Or if you think now you know too much, you can say that as well...LOL

Be well,
Steve

Along for the Ride

Hello all,

Guess the title comes from the feeling that I am just "along for the ride" on everything in the upcoming weeks. Work, the surgery and so on and so on.  Been a long time, if ever, since I've felt in control of my life.  Yes, I know "I" am the one in control, but it does not feel like that.  Somewhere along the way I decided to let others be in control and just go along with whatever.  I have got much better over the years, but still a long ways to go.  Kind of like -18ºF is "warmer" than -50ºF, but it is still a long ways from being warm.

I feel like I understand the diet after surgery a bit better, but still hope to talk with someone who can explain things a bit better to me.  Apparently there are two kinds of protein drinks.  Some sort of clear liquid protein that will be used in Stage 1 (first two weeks after surgery) then a protein powder to make protein shakes in Stage 2 (after Stage 1 for two weeks).  Now I've heard some say the continued the protein from Stage 1 in Stage 2 instead of the shake. Which at the time didn't make much sense to be honest, but does a bit better now.  Also from what I can tell many stay on the shakes after Stage 2.  I don't know if this is because it is an easier way to get their protein instead of a soft food, if it is because it is fewer calories if they have eaten something with several calories for an earlier meal or for what reason.

Speaking of rides, I did get out and ride the motorcycle yesterday.  First time in a LONG time.  Yes, it's been cold and rainy, but I usually have been able to find a day or two each month to ride, but to be honest I just didn't have any interest for a while.  I have to say I have a great bike (2004 Honda VTX1300C), I am bad about not doing a lot of regular maintenance (other than oil change, air filter and the like) and it has never let me down.  Even after all this neglect the last few weeks it fired right up.  The tires did need a little air, but that was about it.  When I remember to start it, I use an app called Ramblr to track my rides and it allows me to share them.  So here is a link to my ride yesterday. http://rblr.co/A7se

Well....let's see what today brings

Steve

Surgery date is set

Well it's official.... My weight loss surgery will be on February 10th.  For those that don't remember I am having a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (see here) Was a bit of hectic day yesterday getting in finalized.  My insurance changed a bit after the first of the year.  Mainly as far as this goes, it was the increase in my out-of-pocket maximum, so it was/is going to cost me a pretty good bit more than once thought. But I finally feel ok with what I've worked out on it all.  Also spent part of the day in the HR department at work getting paperwork I need to be off and how that will be covered on Short Term Disability and the Family Medical Leave Act.  But anyway...as it stands now there is set time frame.  I will be going in for some pre-op task on January 27th.

I'm still a bit nervous and even apprehensive about it all, but I am like that with just about any change in my life.  I am just keep reminding myself this should be a change for the better.  Still wish I has a bit more of a support group. but guess I'll deal somehow.  The facilitator and myself have been the only ones at the last two monthly meetings in Jackson.  I am going to try and go to one or two at least at the doctor's office in Nashville before the surgery.  Away from work I literally spend ~95% of my time alone.  This is not really a choice per se, but regardless, it is how things are.  Hopefully that will change after all this... at least that is what I'm hoping. I guess I have isolated myself a bit, but it wasn't without help and influence from others.

Finally redeemed the free oil change that I won back in October today. Other than them forgetting to fully close my hood and me discovering that at 70 mph on the interstate, it went well I reckon.  It is the cheapest place I know of now ($19.95), so guess I will go at least one more paid time and see how it goes.

Well not a lot else to tell at the moment I guess.

Later,
Steve
http://about.me/stevefall