Better?

Well a couple of weeks ago I decided to start acting better even though I didn't really feel better.  Perhaps it has helped some.  I really don't like being down and gloomy when I am, if you haven't experienced there really is no way I can explain it to you.  But mainly I just try to keep telling myself I can only deal with what's in front of me.  I need to quite worrying about things that may never come and/or that I can do nothing about.  Also I need to not dwell on the past.  Now....if I can do all that will be the trick.

I went and met with the surgeon who will do my weight loss surgery, assuming I have it. :) He answered all my questions, explained the procedure etc... and overall left me with a good feeling about everything.  They are pretty much ready to go as soon as I am.  I have a problem with my right arm from an old injury, seeing an orthopedist Monday, depending on what's wrong, what needs to be done and what he says, I will go from there on scheduling the weight loss surgery.

Esterline is a company that sub-leases part of the arsenal where I work, they make the flares you see jets use when trying to avoid missiles.  Part of the agreement they have with my employer, American Ordnance, is for us to provide Fire and EMS services to them.  Well....it has been announced that they will be closing their operations in Milan by October, possibly as early as June.  While this doesn't directly affect us at the Fire Dept, it does appear just to be another sign of the overall decline of things at the arsenal.  I would really be surprised if I am there come this time next year.

The weather has been COLD, but thankfully I haven't really had any problems because of it.  Apartment warm, no frozen pipes and no vehicle problems.  I even cranked the motorcycle the other day, first time in WEEKS. I was really surprised.  As far as I know, it is the original battery, which would make it 9-10 years old.  When I do have to get a new one, I'm going to try and get the same brand!

One reason I hadn't even cranked the bike is I just had much interest in riding or anything for that matter.  But listening to it after I cranked it really got me wanting to get on the road again.  I'm wanting to find some locking, hard saddlebags, but the ones I've found I like and can afford are always out-of-stock.  Also the bike needs cleaning REAL bad. I have to admit I've been bad on washing and polishing it.  It's really to the point now, I'd pay someone to clean it up good when it warms up.  Guess I'd just rather ride when I have the time. :)

I've always thought I would enjoy "The Walking Dead", but had to come in on the middle of shows like that.  Well AMC had a marathon of every show, in order from the beginning over the New Years holiday and I recorded them all.  So I've been binge watching to get caught up before new episodes start next month.  As I figured I do enjoy it.

Guess that is maybe enough for now.  Be well

Steve


http://about.me/stevefall

Empathy vs Sympathy

The below video and text is taken from: http://lifehacker.com/this-video-explains-the-difference-between-empathy-and-1487494909

This Video Explains the Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

Empathy and sympathy are very different, and while neither of them are bad necessarily, empathy is about making an emotional connection with someone, while sympathy is—generally—about finding a silver lining. Both are important, but this animated short really puts a fine point on how they differ.

The key to being empathetic is to not judge the other person, or try to paint an unwanted or unhelpful silver lining around their problem, and to instead recognize what they're feeling. You're not trying to solve the problem for them—since often statements usually don't solve problems alone—the goal is to let them know you're there and that how they feel matters to you. Doing so, however, requires you be aware of your own emotions and fragilities, which can be hard for many people.

That said, there's a time for sympathy too. As long as it's not judgmental, trying to help someone find a silver lining or even a distraction from a pressing problem has its place as well. The real skill to be learned is when empathy is appropriate, and when sympathy is appropriate, and what message you send to the people in your lives with each. Hit the video above or the link below to see more.
http://www.fastcodesign.com/3023417/the-power-of-empathy-animated

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My Thoughts

While based on this video I have to admit I may not have fully understood the definition of Empathy and Sympathy, I have long know the difference.  Many times I have complained that I felt others were being "dismissive" of my problems when I expressed them, well guess as it turns out, they were showing "sympathy".  I never heard "at least...." as much as "It could be worse." which is about the same thing.  Although "It could be worse." at times has seemed like a challenge to karma to try and make things worse.  But as stated in the video, many times I'm not looking so much for someone to point out a "silver lining" as much as an understanding of how I actually feel.  Whether from your prospective it seems reasonable or not. I admit at times, even when what has bothering me may have passed or eased, it will still bother me that others never understood and that can then itself be something that bothers me.  I guess this could all make me sound needy and emotional wreck or so on, but regardless it is who I am I reckon. I have never forced anyone to be around me, so if you don't want to be, don't want to put up with me....then don't.

Anyway, not wanting to get preachy or anything....just found this article yesterday and really liked how explained the difference between Empathy and Sympathy and wanted to share it.

Take care,

Steve Fall

http://about.me/steverfall

Scared and Worried

As always lots of things on my mind, but guess this blog will be mainly (if not exclusively) about my weight loss surgery.  I got a call from Centennial today, my insurance has approved my surgery.  They transferred me to the surgeon's office and I have my consult with him set for Jan 8th.  But to be honest, last little bit I've been scared about having the surgery. I've been reading the book the dietitian gave me and I'm worried about the diet.  Not so much that I will want other foods, but making sure I buy the right stuff, that I will make some sort of mistake. Right up until the call today, I had almost talked myself out of it.  Even kind of hoping that maybe it would be denied.  Of course the alternative would be for things to remain as they are, and that isn't good either.  I weighed myself at the hospital a week or so ago and I had gained 15 pounds or so above what had been my max weight for a couple of years.  Guess I just feel alone in this, I have some friends and family, but other than my 17 year old son, no one in the house with me.  It just seems like such ominous task ahead and I worry if I am up to it. I guess there is no particular rush, the approval is good for at least 3 months I think, I'm still feeling a bit rushed though.  The surgeon's office said for me to bring my schedule with me and we could more than likely go ahead and schedule the surgery.  I know many people are probably in a hurry to get it done as soon as they can and I guess a couple of weeks ago, maybe I was too.  I guess at maybe its simplest point....it's a change and I've always been a bit scared of change, especially if facing it alone.  There is a support group in Jackson, but when I went earlier this month, the only other person there besides me was the group leader.  We had a good talk and he was very informative and helpful, but it doesn't help relieve my dealing-with-it-alone feeling.  I'm hoping that maybe some others will be at the next meeting.

I feel so tired all the time... Yes, some physically and yes a lot of that from my weight, but mainly emotionally and mentally as well. Started to type something a couple of times and just backspaced it away....just don't feel like talking about any of it now.

Be well
Steve
http://about.me/stevefall

Another post no one will read

Ok, so I haven't posted in a while, but the title pretty much tells why.  Although I guess at some point I did say these were more for me and for some type of record of my thoughts.  Many people I know don't need much human interaction or feedback, guess I do.  As any who have know me know, never have had a lot of self-confidence.  Used to be pretty lacking in self-esteem too, but that has got better at least. You would think the two would be fairly intertwined, but apparently not in my case.

Not a lot going on really, or rather not that much different has happened.  Seems to always be a lot going on in my mind. Guess will try to hit on a few topics, they will not be in any particular order.

I'm looking at having weight loss surgery at Centennial Hospital in Nashville. http://www.cmcwls.com/ Right now I am looking at the Gastric Sleeve and Gastric By-Pass, leaning more toward the sleeve right now.I have done all the stuff necessary to present my case to the insurance which was done last Thursday.  They have 30 days to respond although Centennial said it is usually sooner. Apparently it varies from insurance to insurance but the approval can be good anywhere from 30 days to a year, but they should give the time limit with the approval.  It's not that I want to put it off, but didn't want to feel like I had to get it all done within a couple of weeks either. This has been a journey over several years.  I looked at the surgery a few years ago.  Then it was more for vanity sake than anything else.  I hadn't really tried to loose weight on my own, and saw it as some kinda "magic pill".  After the seminar I went to, pretty much decided the time wasn't right.  I tried to loose weight on my own between the end of 2011-2012, I did loose nearly 40lbs.  But after a relationship that went sour and a few other things, just had a bunch of "don't give a fuck" in me and started adding the weight back pretty quick.  Now it is all about health and if I look a bit better, that is good as well.  It has got to where it is just plain old difficult to get around.  Hurt a lot, get out of breath easy and that just has got to change.  I know I will miss eating some foods and some of the social aspects that go with eating, but I am hoping that what I can do in return and how I will feel afterwards will more than make up for that.  Who knows, I may create a separate weight-loss blog for others to read.

Money always a concern, even though have had a pretty fair amount of overtime lately.  Of course never have enough around Christmas it seems.  Plus worried about the cost of the surgery and then the supplements will have to be on after. Car insurance going up, from Matt's wreck in August I assume.  Going up about $75 a month...pretty good jump.  I got one other quote so far it was almost exactly the same, so imagine I am stuck with that for at least the next 6 months anyway.  My truck will be paid off in June or July, but probably going to have to rework the terms of the loan to be able to pay for the surgery.  Going to speak to the bank later today and see what they think. Always have been treated good at Decatur County Bank, took a lot time, effort and discipline to build my credit back up from what was done to it during my marriage.  Oh, have Matt's senior "stuff" and class ring to pay for as well. Plus insurance at work going up.  Everything going up but my pay.

Speaking of work.... last month David (our Fire Chief) came back from a meeting at the administration building and told us he had been let go! Just out of the blue like that.  They put us (the FD) under the Security Chief.  There were also 6 others let go.  Long story short, the place has been dying for a while now, but this was still sort of a shock and felt like a "close call".  I used to have a bit of hope that after a long enough lull, giving the time time to do what ever restructuring they may do (if any) things would pick up, but in all  honesty now, I think it's just a matter of time before the Milan Army Ammunition Plant closes for good. So keeping an eye out for another job, but know it will be hard to find one close to current pay. Also the sad thing is, not really looking for a job similar (Firefighter/EMT) to the one I've had for the last 13+ years.  Not really in good enough shape right now to do either and never really been too interested in working as an EMT in the "real world".  Been able to do it at the arsenal because in all honesty, even when production was going on, just not a lot going on out there for us to do as far as actually Firefighting or EMS calls.  A lot of the EMS stuff goes back to the lack of self-confidence mentioned above as well. Anyway, enough about all that.

In all honesty, my mental state has not been the best over the last few weeks either. Don't guess I will go into great detail (even though again, you, assuming this is not me re-reading it, may be the only person to read this) on hear.  One trouble is not feeling like have anyone to talk to.  Well that is not 100% correct, there are friends and family that will listen, but I'm afraid some may over react and others may have empathy, but that's about it.  I know there are "professionals" but based on experience just don't have a lot of confidence in them, plus just another expense.  The ones that might could actually help cost much more than I can afford and aren't around these parts.  I'm not sure how, but need to completely change the way I think, the way I process somethings.   It's not so much that I don't know what's wrong and even have a fair idea of what needs to be accomplished, just have no clue how to get there.  Kinda like, well not sure what it is like.  Maybe like being on a deserted island and knowing I need to get off, maybe knowing I need to build a boat, but have no clue how.  Then lack of self-confidence kicks in and maybe it's not a boat that I need to build anyway or do I need to build a signal fire first, then work on the boat or just make the best of the situation and wait to be rescued. But, does anyone even know I need rescuing?! Anyway, maybe you get the idea,if not, don't worry, not sure I really do either.

Well guess that is a hell-of-a-note to end it on, but think I'm about done "sharing" today.  My dad hated that word in this type context lol, long story for another time maybe. Really miss him, wish he could have been around longer.

Take care...

Steve Fall
http://about.me/stevefall

My weekend

Well as I said in my previous post, I took this Saturday (yesterday) off.  I had wanted to get and do something this weekend.  Something being just about anything other than sitting at home, so in that sense I guess I did.  Friday night a little before 7:00, later start than I had intended I got out and drove through town...just seemed dead to me, which is normal around here actually.  I drove toward the river and passed a couple of the local bars along the way, didn't really seem like much going on their either, especially the one I've been to before and would be most likely to go to again.  But really I'm just not much of a bar person... I know the drinks are more expensive because you are paying for the atmosphere etc... but also I said in my previous post, I usually end up sitting there alone, observing instead of participating.  So I figure I can do that at home for a lot cheaper...lol I know I need to get involved, but that's another blog (although also partially addressed in my previous blog).  So anyway, I drove on past and ended up at a place known locally as "Pearl Harbor" or at least that is what we called it when I was a teenager.  I is just a boat ramp with a large parking area on the Beech River close to where it empties into the Tennessee River. I backed into a spot with the truck facing the fool moon, over the river.  I rolled down all the windows and reclined the seat back a bit and just relaxed and enjoyed the quite.  It reminded me younger days, getting out with friends, sitting by the river etc...  Stayed for about an hour, which was about as long as it took me to smoke my cigar lol and then headed back home.  It was cool, but not too bad.

Ok, now it's Satruday, after a couple of great college games (TN and Vandy winning) I'm going to actually do something today....well....again didn't really turn out like that.  Another run through town and pass toward the river, about the same observation as the previous night.  However tonight I head back toward town trying to think of something, but really wasn't coming up with anything.  Well sitting by the river worked last night, maybe it can again tonight.  But I wanted a different spot and maybe some refreshment this time.  So stopped and grabbed a six-pack and headed to Broadies Landing. Another boat ramp on the Tennessee River although there is an area south of the ramp that is more open. There is also a road just before the river that goes to the north that has a a couple of parking areas off it, but chose not to go that way.  Full moon again and fog already on the river made it just a tad eerie lol. There was a group down the other road I talked about, heard them hollering etc... and could see the headlights of their vehicle, was actually a bit of entertainment to some degree lol.  Was quite a bit cooler than the night before, but still enjoyed it.  Was chatting with a friend on Facebook, so wasn't totally alone I guess :) Fog kept getting thicker over the night. A barge passed going up river, heard it for a long time before I could see it.  Again with the fog was creepy, but not in a bad way lol.

I know I've left a few things out probably, hopefully it all still makes sense.  Hope you have a great up coming week.

Steve
http://about.me/stevefall

Hello Again

So, guess I took a bit of a break huh?  Sorry about that, it really wasn't like I didn't have anything to say. Maybe it was that I had too much to say or too much going on.  If there was some way to transfer what was on my mind without my having to sit and actually type it, I would probably clog the internet with blogs and you'd probably run scared lol. I think one thing I may try to do is post several smaller blogs.  For some reason I had in my mind that a blog should almost be a short book, but that really isn't the case, is it?  So that was the trouble, I'd wait until I had a lot to tell, but then I wouldn't feel like typing it all out. I can have OCD about some things, like if I'm going to you about Story A, I want to tell you as many details as I'm comfortable with and not leave anything out.  Also it doesn't seem I get as much feedback on my blogs I do on Facebook post or even when I would do a Facebook note.  Of course feedback is not necessary, at the end of the day these blogs are more for me to just speak my mind etc also I guess for the their to be some sort of record...lol Need something to base the movie on, right?

So, even though I've been through a few things since my last blog, my current condition is still pretty much the same as last time. I did "date" a gal for a short time, believe it or not she was one that wanted move a little faster than I was comfortable with. It's just I've learned the hard way if you try to change too much, too soon it can end bad.  Have a had a couple of nice motorcycle rides, even one with company on the back! :), but most of my riding been back and forth to work.  But that's ok, it's about an hour ride, I really enjoy it and it helps me save on gas.

For those that remember my blog about my schedule, I'm on Week 2 (if not "A little about my work" blog) but I have taken this Saturday off. Yesterday I was pretty lazy, but that's ok, I think everyone is entitled to a day like that occasionally.  Need to do a few things today, which hopefully as soon as I'm done with this blog I will get started on...lol After that I do plan/want to do "something" either tonight or tomorrow night.  One idea is a steak dinner in Jackson another may be to try to find a place with some live music.  I just don't really know, I have become somewhat of a homebody, which in some ways is ok... I mean I don't feel I "have" go out all the time to have fun or enjoy life.  I guess by go out I sort of mean "party" and not just leaving the house.  But at the same time that doesn't mean I want to sit home all the time either.  My biggest trouble is it can be hard for me to engage others, so when I do go out, I end up sitting where ever I'm at quietly and alone, then I think I could do this at home and save a lot of money lol.  Now I know some are thinking, well just talk to someone!!! lol and I agree it is that easy in theory, but it isn't that easy for me.  I watched a show once with a guy that had a coach right there with him trying to get him to talk to strangers and it was still hard for him even with the guy pushing him.  As I was typing this I got reminded of a organized bike ride I went on a few years ago. It ended up Fat Daddy's there were several people there I knew, but other than making a bit of small talk with the person next to me I was pretty much just an observer.  Well one gal at table with one person I knew, saw me and just came over and grabbed me and brought me back to the table where the group was.....I had a blast the rest of the day, joking, laughing, talking etc... but had she not come got me I'd probably left a lot earlier never really talking with anyone.  Not sure what the purpose of all that was, but figured I'd share it anyway lol

Ok, guess that is enough for now, going to try and get somethings done and hopefully it won't be too long before I'm sharing more than you want to know about me again :)

Take care,
Steve Fall
http://about.me/stevefall

A little about my Work

Ok lots of my post will mention my work, one thing that will help to make some things more clear is knowing how and where I work lol

I work, for those that don't know or haven't read my profile... at the Milan Army Ammunition Plant (MLAAP), on the Fire/EMS dept. This website http://www.milancommercialcomplex.com/ , it is more for marketing to other companies to sub-lease operating space, but gives some good info about the plant in general and some good aerial pictures. As you may read, the plant complex is over 22,000 acres, so you could compare the place to small county. Each operating line is like it's own factory complex in said county. The contract to operate the facility requires there to be an onsite 24/7 Fire/EMS dept.

 

Everyone on the Fire/EMS dept is at least an EMT and there is at least one Paramedic per shit.  We have a Class A rated EMS service. We are only responsible for call on the plant, so it is not quite as busy or "glamorous" lol as other departments might be. However of those currently employed all but one has worked in EMS and/or Fire Services before coming here, so most of us have "been there" before.  We are mainly about fire prevention and safety rather than putting one out, although we can do that too.  We regularly inspect the fire suppression systems and alarm system around the plant, make safety inspections as it related to fire safety. We also do annual prescribed burning to clear certain foilage areas.  I have joked that I've started more fires there than I've put out...lol

Below is a sample of my schedule:

It may seem "weird" but it is actually pretty good after you get used to it. Would be hard for me to go back to a 8-hour day, 5-day work week now. One good thing you may notice is we get 5 days off every 3rd weekend. We have to have a minimum number of people on duty, so when one person takes off, someone else has to cover that slot. When you here me speak of working an extra shift, depending on when it is, it could mean I've worked a triple (72  hours straight), but at the same time, it's not like I've been "making little ones out of big ones" the whole time. The longest stretch I've ever worked was 7 days (-8 hours), from Fri on week 2 thru Thu on week 3. I was of the 3p-11p the 3rd week Wed, but worked the 7a-3 and the 11p-7a Although that was a good check, made was glad to be home!!! That was done at time my children weren't staying with me, otherwise probably wouldn't have been gone that long. But now it is only my youngest, who is 17, staying with me now.

 

So that's it in a small nutshell, not as detailed as I could be, but maybe more than some wanted anyway lol

 

Take care,

Steve Fall

http://about.me/stevefall