The new norm?.....

Well here we are, post-op finally.  Feeling pretty fair today. But let me try to catch you up over the last few days....  Sunday night (night before surgery) Dr. Houston called and told me that there was a case that came in over the weekend that he would have to take before me in the morning.  Said not to worry about getting to the hospital before 9:30 or 10:00  Well that actually helped a little bit in the sense of everyone not having to get up so early and head out around 4:00 as originally planned.  We still left about 7:30 or so and got there around 9:00ish  Apparently the change wasn't passed on to everyone, because someone from the hospital called as were about 30 minutes out and wanted to make sure I was still coming.  Well his case in the morning took longer than planed so I didn't go back to the staging area till about 1:30 They did all there stuff, then next thing I remember is the recovery area LOL.  My mother and daughter were waiting for me in my room when they got me there.  Most of that evening I really didn't feel too good.  Either had pain, nausea, just generally weak or all and/or something else.  My daughter went home that night, buy my mother stayed with me the whole time and I can't thank her enough.  Actually by latter than night (10:00pm) I was feeling pretty good.  Nurses got me up and walking about 10:30pm and I walked the length of the hallway twice with no problems.

On Day 2 (Tuesday) this was overall a really bad day... I think all day I only got 2 cups of fluid down and that was the last being over-night and sipping on when waking up and didn't finish till Wed morning.  At one time mom was going to go back home this day, but I asked her if she would stay and she did. Although the thing she had to sleep on wasn't comfortable for her at all.  I walked in the room several times Tuesday and felt good to sit up out of bed at times.

Day 3 (Wednesday) however woke up feeling pretty good.  Finished all the liquid on my breakfast tray, of course took most of the morning lol.  Didn't really have any pain.  Dr Houston wasn't able to make his rounds till about 1:30pm but overall that is good.  Cause had he come early in the morning and had to base whether to discharge me or not based on how I did Tuesday, I'd probably had to stay one more day.  But guess since I had done so well that morning he did let me go home.  Of course had already decided even if I didn't get to go home, my mother was going need to, I'm just glad it worked out the way it did.  The ride home did take a bit more out of me than I thought it would though.  Ended up having to take one of the pain pills he prescribed me.  Also I tried some of the protein supplement and it didn't set very well on my stomach, so I went back to just plain water.  Dr Houston said this is normal and not to worry about it.  Also said that even though eventually need to get to at least 64oz of water per day and 60-80grams of protien these first few days 50oz of water and 40grams of protein ok.  Also that water is more important than protein at the moment.

This morning (Thursday) woke up feeling pretty good.  Tried a cup of plain water first and now working on the protein supplement from last night and seem to be doing ok with it.  Just weird taking up to an hour to get 8oz of liquid down lol  

Without going into great detail it seems like they still haven't figured out how to do my pay by using my banked sick-time from last year.  Apparently I am the first person to try and use it this way.  Also it is sound like they are trying to renege on some of the things they said when they did the big switch a couple of years ago.  Thankfully me and my Lieutenant already had a backup plan for this week if it didn't get figured out.  Hopefully it will get worked out before long though.

Have a good day...

Steve

Short and Sweet

Feeling depressed and scared.  Wondering if I'm making a big mistake by having this surgery.  It won't fix what is really wrong.  I'm not sure what would fix what is really wrong, if anything even can. All I know is whatever happens, I don't want to be in it alone, but....that is going to be the case.  Of course not that I blame anyone, I know for many reasons I don't appear to be a "catch" at the moment.  Sad thing is, there are hundreds of reasons I would be....but it's either hard for me to let them show and/or hard for others to see through some of the other stuff.

Yes, I know others have been through this and there are support group...but the closest support group to me, well last two times I went it was just me and the guy that leads the "group". I tried an online forum, but don't have a real desire to participate it seems.  I think some of that goes back to how I feel a about "social media" in general right now.  Anymore it just isn't and acceptable substitute for real human interaction.  But all that said......that really isn't what I'm talking about at the moment.

But it's ok, if you don't understand...I don't understand and for the most part not sure anyone will ever understand.  But that's ok too, it doesn't really matter, others have their own lives to live and deal with. I guess that may be why I've always tried to help others so much when I can, is because I am hoping it will some how be reciprocated somehow, by someone.  One counselor or something like that I've spoke to sometime in the past even suggested that a desire to help others is why I have done things as a Firefighter, EMT and similar services.  I guess that is true to some degree....you know it just kinda hit me.... I used to say one reason I joined the volunteer fire department here was because, "If my house caught on fire, I would want someone to come help put it out. So I should be willing to go help them put their's out."  I guess I maybe I was always looking for some sort of reciprocation.  Which honestly is NOT the reason to help people.  Well...."expecting" reciprocation is not a good reason and I never expected it.  Also when I say I've been looking for it, I don't mean literally tit-for-tat from the same person, but just in general.  I've said it's kinda like putting things in a "karma bank".  Guess I figure if I keep putting enough "good deeds" in, some day I can get some back.  Well...as of now I don't feel like I've got much back to be honest.  But it's just how I feel, just being selfish I guess.

Ok, the first paragraph was the "Short and Sweet" part the rest was just a rant that came over me. It happens.

Anyway.................................................