Busy, busy, busy last few days.

I worked Sunday and had to leave early Monday morning to go to Nashville for pre-op & pre-admission classes, test and paperwork (more below). Got home about 4:30 Monday afternoon and my daughter and grandson were here.  I added a few videos to the tablet he got for Christmas and did her taxes.  By that time it was getting late.  Got up Tuesday and headed to work, but instead of getting of at 3:00 Wednesday afternoon as normal, ended up having to stay till 11:00pm.  Which you may know gets me home about midnight.  Then up at 6:30 this morning to take son to school.  Just now starting to get caught up it feels like.  Trying to get some things in order before surgery on the 10th.

Ok, my day in Nashville Monday...if  you follow me on twitter @StephenFall or FourSquare you already know a bit about that day.  My appointment was at 8:30 and I ended up getting into Nashville about 7:30 so I killed just a little time at Centennial Park and went to the hospital (Centennial's Main Hosp) about 8:00.  Think I may have been the first to get to the registration desk.  Anyway...had my upper GI and got in and out of there fairly quick.  Didn't have to be at the Dr.'s office for a class till 11:00 so went by McDonald's at got a little something to eat.  This was actually the plan since couldn't have anything to eat before test at the hospital.  Took my biscuit back to Centennial Park and parked by the pond close to The Parthenon (See pic below) and just listened to music a bit.

 

At the Dr.'s office the class was about the surgery in general then the dietitian went over a few things and then a pharmacist spoke to us.  As always after I attend a class, meeting etc... I feel better about the surgery for a while, more informed, better prepared etc... but as always so far a bit later I start worrying too much again. I guess with more information it just gives me more to think about, which is not good for a person who thinks to much lol.  But I emailed the dietitian with a few follow up questions this morning and think again, for now lol, I have a decent grasp on at least Stage 1 and Stage 2 diets.  My mother, a retired RN, is helping me a bit too.  Since the first two stages will last for about a month after the surgery, I guess that should be good for now. 

After the class yesterday had to go across the street to the Women's and Children's Hospital, this is where the surgery will actually be done...ok...go ahead laugh....LOL don't ask me why they are there...anyway...just got some blood drawn and an EKG their, didn't take long. Then finally on my way back home.

Played around a bit with an app I had downloaded a few days ago and one the actually mentioned in the class, MyFitnessPal.  I think I have a little better understanding of how it works.  The biggest thing will be adding food for the first time.  You can look up foods that other's have added, but that isn't quite as easy as it may sound at first.  Anyway, since I will be eating a lot of the same stuff for a while, it won't be too bad after get started.  You can also scan the UPC on a package, haven't tried that  yet, but will soon.

Well, guess that is enough for now. Take care....

Steve 

Getting Closer

Well spent a lot of the time on the phone yesterday and Thursday answering pre-admission questions for my surgery on the 10th and for some pre-op test I'm having done Monday.  Also started a Short Term Disability (usually abbreviated STD, but that also stand for something else...lol) claim since I will be off work 3-6 weeks.  Also went to the bank Thursday to get the money to pay for the surgery and some other things I will need for after. So....guess I'm kinda on the downhill side. At least as far as having the surgery goes.  I know after the surgery will be the real challenge.  I just keep telling myself the rewards will be worth it.  Of course I am hoping for much more than just weight loss, of course better health and more energy, but also mean getting out more and just generally more happy.  Most everyone has told me (those that have had weight loss surgery and others) that things should happen, but I've never been one to anticipate the best....lol  That too is something that would be nice for a change.

I know I seem like a very negative person, but...and this hard to explain, deep down I don't think I really am.  If I saw everything as negative and no hope, I would have really given up long ago.  I guess there is at least a small part of me that must have some hope of things getting better, me being happy.  I know people blame how they are as an adult on their childhood experiences all the time.  Or course, this is at least partially true, all of our experiences shape who we are. Plus I think we (people) are more impressionable at earlier ages.  But...I am not trying to use that as any excuse for my behavior, thoughts, feelings etc... as much as just an explanation to those that may not know or understand.  Somewhere along the way I have I put the judgement, opinions, feelings, wants, etc... of others above my own... even when it pertains to something that may affect only me and not them. I don't know why...I think partially just because I have always wanted to try to please others, to have or get their approval. Also it has always been hard for me to accept compliments or encouragement.  For some reason I see it either as just an attempt to be nice or offered more sarcastically than anything else. Again, I have no idea where this comes from other than childhood experiences.  I never was popular, of course I know many children are not.  But I seemed to be an easy target for teasing. The saying, "Kids can be cruel." is very true.  For whatever reason, I would also take this teasing to heart and felt/thought they really meant it and felt that way.  If you constantly are told something, even if not true, it will become what you believe.  As I've got older there is a part of me that "knows" somethings I used to think are not true, but at the same time it can be hard to just change your feelings/thoughts, at least it seems so for me.   Anyway...I could go on and on and on and on about this, but I guess I'll stop for now.

But...with all that said, that is one reason I've always been a little apprehensive about the surgery, in that, it can't really change any of the above.  I just hope it can at least be a tool to help me better deal with some of it on my own.  Although, a significant other wouldn't hurt my feelings either lol  There are lots of things I guess that have kept me from being in many relationships. Before my marriage I hadn't really been in any serious relationships.  Even with my ex we only dated 3 months before getting married.  I never really had a girlfriend in school.  Just too shy to ask and to risk getting hurt mainly.  Since being divorced (14 years now for those that don't know) I've been in one maybe one serious relationship (within 6 months of getting divorced, I got scared...) and maybe steadily dated 2-3 ladies.  At the end of the day, you have not only sell yourself, (which is hard enough for me) I guess you have to make yourself appear better than the next guy.  That later part can be hard for a guy that only lacks an abundance of self-esteem, but even more so for one that in general doesn't see himself as better than others. I mean more or less if you are saying you're better than someone you're putting yourself above them and as someone that has others placed above them by various means, I know how that feels, and it's not good.  Now as with everything, this is not how it is or how I feel 100% of the time. But I guess in general I would rather show my attributes and let them stand on their own that try to say/prove I'm better than someone else.  Then add I just don't understand women lol, and that is why I guess I've not been in many serious relationships or even many non-serious ones.

Ok, this turned into something that wasn't the plan.  There is plenty more I can say on all of it.  Feel free to comment or message me if you want to know more.  Or if you think now you know too much, you can say that as well...LOL

Be well,
Steve

Along for the Ride

Hello all,

Guess the title comes from the feeling that I am just "along for the ride" on everything in the upcoming weeks. Work, the surgery and so on and so on.  Been a long time, if ever, since I've felt in control of my life.  Yes, I know "I" am the one in control, but it does not feel like that.  Somewhere along the way I decided to let others be in control and just go along with whatever.  I have got much better over the years, but still a long ways to go.  Kind of like -18ºF is "warmer" than -50ºF, but it is still a long ways from being warm.

I feel like I understand the diet after surgery a bit better, but still hope to talk with someone who can explain things a bit better to me.  Apparently there are two kinds of protein drinks.  Some sort of clear liquid protein that will be used in Stage 1 (first two weeks after surgery) then a protein powder to make protein shakes in Stage 2 (after Stage 1 for two weeks).  Now I've heard some say the continued the protein from Stage 1 in Stage 2 instead of the shake. Which at the time didn't make much sense to be honest, but does a bit better now.  Also from what I can tell many stay on the shakes after Stage 2.  I don't know if this is because it is an easier way to get their protein instead of a soft food, if it is because it is fewer calories if they have eaten something with several calories for an earlier meal or for what reason.

Speaking of rides, I did get out and ride the motorcycle yesterday.  First time in a LONG time.  Yes, it's been cold and rainy, but I usually have been able to find a day or two each month to ride, but to be honest I just didn't have any interest for a while.  I have to say I have a great bike (2004 Honda VTX1300C), I am bad about not doing a lot of regular maintenance (other than oil change, air filter and the like) and it has never let me down.  Even after all this neglect the last few weeks it fired right up.  The tires did need a little air, but that was about it.  When I remember to start it, I use an app called Ramblr to track my rides and it allows me to share them.  So here is a link to my ride yesterday. http://rblr.co/A7se

Well....let's see what today brings

Steve

Surgery date is set

Well it's official.... My weight loss surgery will be on February 10th.  For those that don't remember I am having a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (see here) Was a bit of hectic day yesterday getting in finalized.  My insurance changed a bit after the first of the year.  Mainly as far as this goes, it was the increase in my out-of-pocket maximum, so it was/is going to cost me a pretty good bit more than once thought. But I finally feel ok with what I've worked out on it all.  Also spent part of the day in the HR department at work getting paperwork I need to be off and how that will be covered on Short Term Disability and the Family Medical Leave Act.  But anyway...as it stands now there is set time frame.  I will be going in for some pre-op task on January 27th.

I'm still a bit nervous and even apprehensive about it all, but I am like that with just about any change in my life.  I am just keep reminding myself this should be a change for the better.  Still wish I has a bit more of a support group. but guess I'll deal somehow.  The facilitator and myself have been the only ones at the last two monthly meetings in Jackson.  I am going to try and go to one or two at least at the doctor's office in Nashville before the surgery.  Away from work I literally spend ~95% of my time alone.  This is not really a choice per se, but regardless, it is how things are.  Hopefully that will change after all this... at least that is what I'm hoping. I guess I have isolated myself a bit, but it wasn't without help and influence from others.

Finally redeemed the free oil change that I won back in October today. Other than them forgetting to fully close my hood and me discovering that at 70 mph on the interstate, it went well I reckon.  It is the cheapest place I know of now ($19.95), so guess I will go at least one more paid time and see how it goes.

Well not a lot else to tell at the moment I guess.

Later,
Steve
http://about.me/stevefall

Better?

Well a couple of weeks ago I decided to start acting better even though I didn't really feel better.  Perhaps it has helped some.  I really don't like being down and gloomy when I am, if you haven't experienced there really is no way I can explain it to you.  But mainly I just try to keep telling myself I can only deal with what's in front of me.  I need to quite worrying about things that may never come and/or that I can do nothing about.  Also I need to not dwell on the past.  Now....if I can do all that will be the trick.

I went and met with the surgeon who will do my weight loss surgery, assuming I have it. :) He answered all my questions, explained the procedure etc... and overall left me with a good feeling about everything.  They are pretty much ready to go as soon as I am.  I have a problem with my right arm from an old injury, seeing an orthopedist Monday, depending on what's wrong, what needs to be done and what he says, I will go from there on scheduling the weight loss surgery.

Esterline is a company that sub-leases part of the arsenal where I work, they make the flares you see jets use when trying to avoid missiles.  Part of the agreement they have with my employer, American Ordnance, is for us to provide Fire and EMS services to them.  Well....it has been announced that they will be closing their operations in Milan by October, possibly as early as June.  While this doesn't directly affect us at the Fire Dept, it does appear just to be another sign of the overall decline of things at the arsenal.  I would really be surprised if I am there come this time next year.

The weather has been COLD, but thankfully I haven't really had any problems because of it.  Apartment warm, no frozen pipes and no vehicle problems.  I even cranked the motorcycle the other day, first time in WEEKS. I was really surprised.  As far as I know, it is the original battery, which would make it 9-10 years old.  When I do have to get a new one, I'm going to try and get the same brand!

One reason I hadn't even cranked the bike is I just had much interest in riding or anything for that matter.  But listening to it after I cranked it really got me wanting to get on the road again.  I'm wanting to find some locking, hard saddlebags, but the ones I've found I like and can afford are always out-of-stock.  Also the bike needs cleaning REAL bad. I have to admit I've been bad on washing and polishing it.  It's really to the point now, I'd pay someone to clean it up good when it warms up.  Guess I'd just rather ride when I have the time. :)

I've always thought I would enjoy "The Walking Dead", but had to come in on the middle of shows like that.  Well AMC had a marathon of every show, in order from the beginning over the New Years holiday and I recorded them all.  So I've been binge watching to get caught up before new episodes start next month.  As I figured I do enjoy it.

Guess that is maybe enough for now.  Be well

Steve


http://about.me/stevefall