Empathy vs Sympathy

The below video and text is taken from: http://lifehacker.com/this-video-explains-the-difference-between-empathy-and-1487494909

This Video Explains the Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

Empathy and sympathy are very different, and while neither of them are bad necessarily, empathy is about making an emotional connection with someone, while sympathy is—generally—about finding a silver lining. Both are important, but this animated short really puts a fine point on how they differ.

The key to being empathetic is to not judge the other person, or try to paint an unwanted or unhelpful silver lining around their problem, and to instead recognize what they're feeling. You're not trying to solve the problem for them—since often statements usually don't solve problems alone—the goal is to let them know you're there and that how they feel matters to you. Doing so, however, requires you be aware of your own emotions and fragilities, which can be hard for many people.

That said, there's a time for sympathy too. As long as it's not judgmental, trying to help someone find a silver lining or even a distraction from a pressing problem has its place as well. The real skill to be learned is when empathy is appropriate, and when sympathy is appropriate, and what message you send to the people in your lives with each. Hit the video above or the link below to see more.
http://www.fastcodesign.com/3023417/the-power-of-empathy-animated

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My Thoughts

While based on this video I have to admit I may not have fully understood the definition of Empathy and Sympathy, I have long know the difference.  Many times I have complained that I felt others were being "dismissive" of my problems when I expressed them, well guess as it turns out, they were showing "sympathy".  I never heard "at least...." as much as "It could be worse." which is about the same thing.  Although "It could be worse." at times has seemed like a challenge to karma to try and make things worse.  But as stated in the video, many times I'm not looking so much for someone to point out a "silver lining" as much as an understanding of how I actually feel.  Whether from your prospective it seems reasonable or not. I admit at times, even when what has bothering me may have passed or eased, it will still bother me that others never understood and that can then itself be something that bothers me.  I guess this could all make me sound needy and emotional wreck or so on, but regardless it is who I am I reckon. I have never forced anyone to be around me, so if you don't want to be, don't want to put up with me....then don't.

Anyway, not wanting to get preachy or anything....just found this article yesterday and really liked how explained the difference between Empathy and Sympathy and wanted to share it.

Take care,

Steve Fall

http://about.me/steverfall

Scared and Worried

As always lots of things on my mind, but guess this blog will be mainly (if not exclusively) about my weight loss surgery.  I got a call from Centennial today, my insurance has approved my surgery.  They transferred me to the surgeon's office and I have my consult with him set for Jan 8th.  But to be honest, last little bit I've been scared about having the surgery. I've been reading the book the dietitian gave me and I'm worried about the diet.  Not so much that I will want other foods, but making sure I buy the right stuff, that I will make some sort of mistake. Right up until the call today, I had almost talked myself out of it.  Even kind of hoping that maybe it would be denied.  Of course the alternative would be for things to remain as they are, and that isn't good either.  I weighed myself at the hospital a week or so ago and I had gained 15 pounds or so above what had been my max weight for a couple of years.  Guess I just feel alone in this, I have some friends and family, but other than my 17 year old son, no one in the house with me.  It just seems like such ominous task ahead and I worry if I am up to it. I guess there is no particular rush, the approval is good for at least 3 months I think, I'm still feeling a bit rushed though.  The surgeon's office said for me to bring my schedule with me and we could more than likely go ahead and schedule the surgery.  I know many people are probably in a hurry to get it done as soon as they can and I guess a couple of weeks ago, maybe I was too.  I guess at maybe its simplest point....it's a change and I've always been a bit scared of change, especially if facing it alone.  There is a support group in Jackson, but when I went earlier this month, the only other person there besides me was the group leader.  We had a good talk and he was very informative and helpful, but it doesn't help relieve my dealing-with-it-alone feeling.  I'm hoping that maybe some others will be at the next meeting.

I feel so tired all the time... Yes, some physically and yes a lot of that from my weight, but mainly emotionally and mentally as well. Started to type something a couple of times and just backspaced it away....just don't feel like talking about any of it now.

Be well
Steve
http://about.me/stevefall

Another post no one will read

Ok, so I haven't posted in a while, but the title pretty much tells why.  Although I guess at some point I did say these were more for me and for some type of record of my thoughts.  Many people I know don't need much human interaction or feedback, guess I do.  As any who have know me know, never have had a lot of self-confidence.  Used to be pretty lacking in self-esteem too, but that has got better at least. You would think the two would be fairly intertwined, but apparently not in my case.

Not a lot going on really, or rather not that much different has happened.  Seems to always be a lot going on in my mind. Guess will try to hit on a few topics, they will not be in any particular order.

I'm looking at having weight loss surgery at Centennial Hospital in Nashville. http://www.cmcwls.com/ Right now I am looking at the Gastric Sleeve and Gastric By-Pass, leaning more toward the sleeve right now.I have done all the stuff necessary to present my case to the insurance which was done last Thursday.  They have 30 days to respond although Centennial said it is usually sooner. Apparently it varies from insurance to insurance but the approval can be good anywhere from 30 days to a year, but they should give the time limit with the approval.  It's not that I want to put it off, but didn't want to feel like I had to get it all done within a couple of weeks either. This has been a journey over several years.  I looked at the surgery a few years ago.  Then it was more for vanity sake than anything else.  I hadn't really tried to loose weight on my own, and saw it as some kinda "magic pill".  After the seminar I went to, pretty much decided the time wasn't right.  I tried to loose weight on my own between the end of 2011-2012, I did loose nearly 40lbs.  But after a relationship that went sour and a few other things, just had a bunch of "don't give a fuck" in me and started adding the weight back pretty quick.  Now it is all about health and if I look a bit better, that is good as well.  It has got to where it is just plain old difficult to get around.  Hurt a lot, get out of breath easy and that just has got to change.  I know I will miss eating some foods and some of the social aspects that go with eating, but I am hoping that what I can do in return and how I will feel afterwards will more than make up for that.  Who knows, I may create a separate weight-loss blog for others to read.

Money always a concern, even though have had a pretty fair amount of overtime lately.  Of course never have enough around Christmas it seems.  Plus worried about the cost of the surgery and then the supplements will have to be on after. Car insurance going up, from Matt's wreck in August I assume.  Going up about $75 a month...pretty good jump.  I got one other quote so far it was almost exactly the same, so imagine I am stuck with that for at least the next 6 months anyway.  My truck will be paid off in June or July, but probably going to have to rework the terms of the loan to be able to pay for the surgery.  Going to speak to the bank later today and see what they think. Always have been treated good at Decatur County Bank, took a lot time, effort and discipline to build my credit back up from what was done to it during my marriage.  Oh, have Matt's senior "stuff" and class ring to pay for as well. Plus insurance at work going up.  Everything going up but my pay.

Speaking of work.... last month David (our Fire Chief) came back from a meeting at the administration building and told us he had been let go! Just out of the blue like that.  They put us (the FD) under the Security Chief.  There were also 6 others let go.  Long story short, the place has been dying for a while now, but this was still sort of a shock and felt like a "close call".  I used to have a bit of hope that after a long enough lull, giving the time time to do what ever restructuring they may do (if any) things would pick up, but in all  honesty now, I think it's just a matter of time before the Milan Army Ammunition Plant closes for good. So keeping an eye out for another job, but know it will be hard to find one close to current pay. Also the sad thing is, not really looking for a job similar (Firefighter/EMT) to the one I've had for the last 13+ years.  Not really in good enough shape right now to do either and never really been too interested in working as an EMT in the "real world".  Been able to do it at the arsenal because in all honesty, even when production was going on, just not a lot going on out there for us to do as far as actually Firefighting or EMS calls.  A lot of the EMS stuff goes back to the lack of self-confidence mentioned above as well. Anyway, enough about all that.

In all honesty, my mental state has not been the best over the last few weeks either. Don't guess I will go into great detail (even though again, you, assuming this is not me re-reading it, may be the only person to read this) on hear.  One trouble is not feeling like have anyone to talk to.  Well that is not 100% correct, there are friends and family that will listen, but I'm afraid some may over react and others may have empathy, but that's about it.  I know there are "professionals" but based on experience just don't have a lot of confidence in them, plus just another expense.  The ones that might could actually help cost much more than I can afford and aren't around these parts.  I'm not sure how, but need to completely change the way I think, the way I process somethings.   It's not so much that I don't know what's wrong and even have a fair idea of what needs to be accomplished, just have no clue how to get there.  Kinda like, well not sure what it is like.  Maybe like being on a deserted island and knowing I need to get off, maybe knowing I need to build a boat, but have no clue how.  Then lack of self-confidence kicks in and maybe it's not a boat that I need to build anyway or do I need to build a signal fire first, then work on the boat or just make the best of the situation and wait to be rescued. But, does anyone even know I need rescuing?! Anyway, maybe you get the idea,if not, don't worry, not sure I really do either.

Well guess that is a hell-of-a-note to end it on, but think I'm about done "sharing" today.  My dad hated that word in this type context lol, long story for another time maybe. Really miss him, wish he could have been around longer.

Take care...

Steve Fall
http://about.me/stevefall